Just when I needed you most

Just in case you were worrying that this post was going to be about some silly love song ("Four hundred children and a crop in the field.") - it isn't. It's the latest in the saga of the Mighty Liverpool Victoria Insurance Company and the Dead Badger.

A piece of marketing junk arrived the other day from none other than the Mighty Liverpool Victoria Insurance Company: "Here when you need us most" - which was an interesting take on things when they had just taken 14 days, less a few hours to replace a couple of bits of broken plastic on the front of my car, and left me stranded without a car for five days.

Actually they didn't replace a couple of bits of broken plastic. In fact I'm not sure what they did, but it cost £1,700. And no - that's not a typo. What I do know is that they recharged the air conditioning because they thought it wasn't working (had the switch in the wrong position) - and charged that to the insurance company. And they left a small dent in the drivers side wing which I noticed when I got home. And they valetted the car - which was nice of them - and did something to the brakes.

What I'm trying to say is that being a vehicle repairer and charging insurance companies for unnecessary work seems to get you a mighty good living - no questions asked - which we all have to pay for. Contrast that with the £10 per day that the Mighty Liverpool Victoria Insurance company offer when your courtesy car isn't there just when you need it most..... Hmmm.

On yer bike...!

In the latest act of the Mighty Liverpool Victoria insurance company Bodyshop Connect Stafford and the Dead Badger saga I find myself the proud driver of a Chevrolet.

But this isn't the fire breathing, rubber burning, gas guzzling Muscle Machine of a Chevvy that we have come to know and love - more like a tupperware box on castors.

"You'll have to get used to the power." said the recovery driver when he dropped it off his car transporter. (The badgers are safe - it won't go fast enough to kill anything.) The same car transporter that he was expecting to use to collect my dead VW Golf - the one which was about 40ft long without a lift he was expecting to back onto my drive. I don't think so...!

So having left me with my Chevvy and departed without my car I awaited for the next call from the Mighty Liverpool Victoria "We can't organise a Pissup in a Brewery" Customer Service Team. Actually - I didn't wait because I figured it might be at least another three years before I heard anything. However, I did indeed get a call from Clare, their Chief Apologist "We can offer you compensation of £10 per day for the excessive time you have been without a replacement vehicle. To say nothing of the trillions of calls you made to the muppets on our helpdesk who can't even work out that you are making a complaint and just put you on hold then back into the queuing system for good measure."

Having pointed out that £40 would hardly cover a taxi fare these days and that maybe she had noticed that my renewal comes up in March she went away to talk to "Head Office".

I'm still holding my breath.....

Sticking it where the sun don't shine

Have you ever met someone from The Committee who grabs the rule book and promptly dissappears up their own backside with it? Yes? Thought so. It never ceases to amaze me how much brainpower can be applied to finding reasons for not doing perfectly sensible things rather than finding ways of making them happen.

Suffice to say, because of my 360 degree feedback services I find myself in a small group of freelance HR professionals who meet from time to time calling ourselves The SIG. Not surprisingly our attention was turned towards finding ways of promoting ourselves - and as a first step we now have a rudimentary website about our HR services.

So where does the rule book come in? Well - we are a part of the local branch of the CIPD and if The Committee is to be believed it is against our code of professional conduct to promote ourselves. Hmmmm.... Still trying to puzzle that one out.

Growling at the badger

When I saw the low form of a badger appear in the headlights late on Wednesday night little did I realise the extent to which the mighty Liverpool Victoria insurance company were about to start ruling my life. Badgers, I have now discovered, are substantially bigger and heavier than you might think, and the somewhat louder impact than I was expecting was followed shortly afterwards by a barrage of beeping and flashing lights from the car telling me that I needed to check the coolant level.

This did not sound good and rather suggested significant damage to the car. Fortunately I was only about a mile from home and managed to make it back. On inspection the next morning it turned out that one of the radiator hoses had been torn off by the impact and damaged. Other than that some expensive looking bits of plastic were mangled and I figured a call to the insurers was in order.

"They are the in things to hit at the moment." said the girl on the claims desk. "They're heavy things to hit." said the girls on the repair desk. "Is the badger alright?" said the next one I spoke to. "The badger's fine. It's in Badger Heaven - just my car is in bits."

That was on Thursday morning. As I write this late on Friday night my car is still in bits on the drive and I'm told I should have a replacement car on Monday - should. Of course, we should be able to live without cars. But when you live in the country and your children live seventy miles away it's easier said than done. The X64 bus will occassionally take you into sunny Stoke on Trent but there is no guarantee that it will bring you back again and that's about it.

So - dear Patrick and Philippa. I'm sitting here writing this in bed when I should be with you. I miss you both very much and one way and another, despite having friends like Liverpool Victoria somehow or other I will get to see you this week. Dad.